God is Not a Tyrant: Reclaiming the Beauty of Redemptive Suffering through the Saints

By: Michelle De Berardinis

When I first left the SSPX, I was spiritually disoriented. I found myself wrestling with confusion, fear, and a very distorted view of God, especially when it came to the concept of redemptive suffering. While this is not the experience of every person in the SSPX and it can happen in any religious setting, I was surprised to learn how many others in traditionalist groups shared similar struggles.

I came to question whether suffering was something to be stoically endured and something that even pleased God, seeing that we are sinful beings who need to be “sanctified” through punishment. These ideas, though rooted in a very real and beautiful truth, are also very distorted from its original meaning and can deeply wound our relationship with God. Fortunately, as I began to dig deeper and study the lives of the saints, I came to develop a much healthier understanding of redemptive suffering and its role in uniting us to Christ. And I realized that the truth was so much richer and far more hopeful than what I was previously conditioned to think.

I still deeply cherish the Traditional Latin Mass, and I've come to see that these distorted views are not intrinsic to the old rite itself, but can sometimes be entangled with the way it’s presented in certain settings. Whatever your background, if you find yourself grappling with similar issues, I hope this can help reorient you towards a healthy relationship with God, our loving Father.

The Truth About God and Suffering

First off, it is imperative to understand that suffering is not inherently good. God is all-good and all-loving, he does not desire suffering for its own sake. Suffering only exists because of the Fall, and in His infinite mercy, God permits it to serve a redemptive purpose - drawing us back to Him and helping our brothers and sisters in the Body of Christ to do the same.

Rather than being a wrathful deity, God is a loving Father who, in mysterious ways, can bring about profound goodness from even the worst of evils. To fully understand this, we must distinguish between God’s active will from His permissive will. God’s active will refers to things that He directly causes, while His permissive will refers to things that He permits out of respect for our free will, knowing that He can use our pain to bring about a greater good later on.

Imagine someone who struggles with a drug addiction. While God does not want that person to suffer, He permits it for reasons that we often can’t always understand, especially in the moment. Maybe He knows that this person has the strength to recover and to use his past wounds to become a wonderful counselor who helps others heal, saving many lives. While God never wanted this person to suffer from drug addiction, we can clearly see how He could potentially work to bring about a greater good from it.

Jesus Transformed Suffering

When Adam and Eve first sinned, they ruptured humanity’s relationship with God, an all-perfect being. Repairing that rupture required a sacrifice equal to the gravity of the offense. That is why only Jesus Christ - the perfect sacrifice - could truly restore that relationship. By giving His life, Jesus transformed suffering. What was once a horrid and senseless thing transformed into a means of redemption and love.

Christ’s perfect sacrifice was sufficient to win salvation for us all, though He still invites us to participate in His redemptive work, in His Body, to unite our suffering to His. This is truly beautiful because it means that we do not suffer in vain - our pain can be transformed to sanctify not only ourselves, but also our fellow brothers and sisters in the Body of Christ. Not every case is the same - depending on the nature and origin of our suffering, it can work to sanctify us in different ways.

Suffering as a Spiritual Smoke Alarm

Sometimes, suffering acts as a spiritual “smoke alarm”. If we are walking a destructive path, it would only be right for a loving Father to permit discomfort as a way to alert us as an act of mercy. If someone’s lifestyle choices lead to health problems or broken relationships, the suffering that ensues might be the only way they will be motivated to change.

It is extremely important to note, however, that not all suffering results from our own personal sins. We can also experience suffering from the sins of others, like a traumatized child being abused. This kind of suffering is completely unjust and the victim bears no fault. But even in these tragic situations, God is there, working quietly and lovingly to offer healing.

Humility Through Suffering

Many people, even some of the most well-known saints, have experienced life-altering suffering that humbled them enough so that they could fully receive God into their hearts. Let’s look at St. Ignatius of Loyola - a once prideful soldier who was very of this world. He only turned to God after a severe injury that completely destroyed any chance of returning to his military career. During his recovery period, when he couldn’t even walk, he began to read the lives of the saints before him. Their stories sparked something profound in him - realizing that God’s love is infinitely better and more fulfilling than any worldly glory he could have ever dreamed of achieving on the battlefield. After his recovery period, he abandoned his old ways for a life of divine service.

Suffering has the incredible ability to strip away any illusions or idols we may be holding onto - whether it’s pride, control, or self-reliance - making space for God’s grace to enter into our hearts. Understanding suffering in this way demonstrates how it can purify us when nothing else can reach us. This is not the work of a vengeful, angry father wanting to punish, it is the work of an all-loving and merciful being who wants nothing more for us than to be in full communion with Him.

Offering Suffering for Souls in Purgatory

Another one of the most misunderstood yet beautiful aspects of Catholicism is the idea that our suffering can help others, including the souls in purgatory. Initially, this can make God sound like a transactional, merciless debt collector. But the reality is so different. To fully grasp this concept, we must first understand that we are all united in the Communion of Saints - there is the Church Militant (us here on earth), the Church Suffering (the souls in purgatory) and the Church Triumphant (those in heaven).

Souls in purgatory are not suffering because God is angry at them. God is unchanging and all-loving, the only thing that changes is how we are able to experience Him. Souls in heaven are already purified, fully receptive to God, while souls in purgatory hold lingering attachments to sin which prevent them from being able to fully receive His loving presence.

Think of the soul as a plant that wants to receive sunlight, but is blocked by a large object - symbolizing those remaining attachments. The sunlight (God) is always there, but the soul must first be cleansed of anything that blocks its full reception.

When we accept our own suffering and lovingly offer it up for others, we become Christlike and open ourselves to God's grace. And because the Church is one mystical Body, that grace can be extended to others in the Body who need it most.

While we cannot fully comprehend the vast mystery of how this works, we can begin to make sense of it. When a soul willingly embraces suffering for the sake of others, this radical act of love and selflessness becomes a powerful channel of grace. Just as heroic stories of self-sacrifice can soften hearts and move people towards healing here on earth, a soul in purgatory may be similarly touched.

Imagine a soul in purgatory struggling with a disordered attachment to control. Witnessing a person on earth suffer with full humility and surrender for their sake might be the very grace that breaks open their tough exterior, allowing them to fully trust in God.

Stories of saints like St. Gemma Galgani, who offered up her excruciating pain from tuberculosis for the souls in purgatory, powerfully illustrates this reality. These acts of love are not merely sentimental, they are spiritually transformative.

The Role of Consent and Free Will

In very rare cases, God might actively give a person some form of suffering, even when they haven't done anything wrong. But it's crucial to remember that God never imposes this on anyone without the person's consent. St. Gemma Galgani and Padre Pio were given such crosses not as punishment, but as a divine invitation to deeply unite themselves with God through their willingness to suffer for others.

It is critical to recognize that these extraordinary cases are not the norm, and they should not become the standard by which we measure our spiritual growth. We should never seek out suffering for its own sake or assume that our hardships are “proof” of holiness.

You Can Accept Suffering and Seek Help

One of the most damaging misconceptions in spiritually unhealthy environments is that seeking relief from suffering equals a lack of faith. But this couldn’t be further from the truth. In actuality, we are morally obligated to care for ourselves - physically, mentally and spiritually. Each and every single person is a temple of the Holy Spirit, so deliberate self-neglect is not holiness, but actually a violation of the fifth commandment. God loves us deeply and wants us to care for the vessels that He has gifted to us.

It is important to acknowledge that saints like St. Gemma, who suffered from major illnesses, actually did seek medical help. In fact, she pursued every legitimate treatment available in her time. When those failed, she turned to prayer not out of despair, but out of complete trust and surrender to God's will. Her openness to healing showed that she cared for her body as best she could, and that when medical treatments didn’t work, she submitted to God’s will out of humility and trust, not a rejection of medicine.

Mental Health and Faith

Understanding this nuance is critical when it comes to mental health, one of the most misunderstood fields within traditional groups. One of the most damaging religious misconceptions about mental health is that psychological illness equals a lack of true faith, but we know this can't be true, because if it was, then we would be forced to admit that many of the saints (including those canonized long before Vatican II) would have lacked “true faith”, even at the time of their death.

St. Therese of Lisieux, canonized in 1925 by Pope Pius XI, struggled immensely with what we would likely recognize today as OCD, anxiety, and possibly even complex trauma from losing her mother at a young age. In her final years, she experienced intense emotional desolation, doubts and depression, especially as she received callous treatment from her religious sisters who did not understand her. But in spite of all that, she still always chose to trust in God.

It has been said - and I believe - that the mind is the bridge between the physical and the spiritual world, which makes it even more important to care for. Even Father Chad Ripperger, a well-known traditional exorcist, has spoken about how demons exploit unhealed psychological wounds - not because mental illness is spiritual in itself - but because the enemy can weaponize our existing vulnerabilities.

For example, someone who struggles with low self-worth may be especially vulnerable to spiritual attack — such as intrusive thoughts of hopelessness or despair. The best remedy for these individuals are a conjunction of prayer and the sacraments mixed in with proper psychological care to address the distorted beliefs making them spiritually vulnerable in the first place.

In Conclusion: God Is Not a Tyrant

If you've left, or are questioning, any religious group that has caused a similar kind of confusion for you, please know that God is not a tyrant - He is a loving Father.

Redemptive suffering is not about proving our worth or fighting to earn God's love. It is about opening ourselves up so we can allow God to meet us in our pain, to transform it, and to use it for the good of others. It is about freedom and grace, not fear and guilt.

Please also know that you are not alone in your confusion. Many others are walking a similar path, oftentimes silently. And any pain that you are experiencing - whatever the cause may be - when offered in love - can unite you deeper with Christ and transform into something truly beautiful that heals rather than harms.