Gratitude for My Traditionalist Family

Paul Barthel, Happy Children, 1898, oil on canvas.

“Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in the one body. And be thankful.” (Col 3:15).

Shortly after turning seventeen, I wrote to the bishop of my diocese, expressing my desire to be united with him and return to full communion with the Catholic Church. I distinctly remember the joy and excitement I felt when I received his reply. A successor of the Apostles, Christ’s own representative in my zip code, was speaking to me! My bishop, my shepherd, my true spiritual father!

His words to me were so kind, gentle, and wise. I had expressed to him the difficulty of my situation as a minor in my parents’ household, both of whom were still staunch Traditionalists (my mother a Sedevacantist, and my father an SSPX adherent). Here is a brief excerpt from his email to me:

“I concur with you that at this time, it does not appear that you have the full consent of your parents on this matter. However, when you reach the time of leaving home and attain major age, I encourage you to seek out a priest in communion with me and the Holy Father in order to both formalize and regularize your relationship with the Roman Catholic Church.

 At the same time, I am very appreciative that they have provided you with a home where you have been encouraged to study and practice Christianity on a regular basis. They are to be commended and your honor and gratitude to them should not waiver. Thus, as long as you live with them as a minor in their home, you need to respect the course they have charted for the family.”

I have done my best to live by his advice, not only at that time but also to this very day. I realized that I could not allow my strong (and sometimes very passionate) disagreements with my parents get in way of the love, honor, and gratitude I owed to them as their child. Were they wrong about very important and essential aspects of the Catholic faith? Yes; but they were still right about many other things, and it was by following their example of passion and love for the truth that had led to my discovery of the Holy Catholic Church in the first place.

I eventually came to extend this gratitude to my spiritual fathers in the Traditionalist movement. Had they unlawfully usurped the authority of my real spiritual fathers in the Church? Yes; but I had nonetheless received many blessings and much spiritual nourishment from their hands. It was like they were confused or mistaken stepparents trying to care for me, who for some reason thought they needed to take me away from my real parents. I am not justifying the bad actors or abusers among the priests and bishops in Traditionalism; at the same time, I truly believe that many if not most of these misguided clergy genuinely care about souls.

This is true not only of Traditionalist Christians, it is also true of Orthodox, Lutherans, Anglicans/Episcopalians, Presbyterians, Methodists, Baptists, Pentecostals, etc. As far as ecclesial division is concerned, Traditionalists are just the new kids on the block. Each of these Christian churches or communities may possess “elements of sanctification and truth” (Vatican II, Lumen gentium, 8) to a greater or lesser degree, but each of them is filled with people who are studying God’s Word, growing their prayer life, serving those in need, and teaching their children to do the same. Most of us come from these spiritual families, and as their children we should honor their legacies and be grateful for the gifts we have been given.

It is not my intent to minimize our considerable differences; I have spoken many times about the errors of Traditionalists, sometimes with strong language that has caused vehement public controversy. But this cannot, I repeat, cannot be our primary focus. Within Christianity there can be a kind of pugilistic polemics that has detrimental effects, the “flipside” or opposite extreme of false ecumenism, you might say.

I think this is an aspect of what Pope Francis means when he talks about “proselytism”: a false kind of apologetics dominated by the desire to win and prove your opponent wrong, overly concerned with “debunking lies” and “spitting facts”. True apologetics, by contrast, must be wholistic, because conversion is a matter of the heart as well as the head. Goodness and beauty form an integral part of Christian evangelization, and include things like holiness, character, and friendship.

Gratitude and sincere affirmation play a central role in this process, as they do in all productive human affairs. They are intensely attractive and deeply desired. Those wise words from my bishop planted a seed in my heart that blossomed and spread into my interactions with my parents, preparing the soil for their own return to the Church five years later. Never underestimate the power of a thankful heart, overflowing with those kindnesses that are the first fruits of happiness.

“Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” (1 Thes 5:18).

Veritas et Caritas