Our Own Worst Enemy

Why do I get in my own way? Why are we always tripping over ourselves? Why do we spend our lives struggling with self-consciousness, self-praise, self-reproach, self-giving, self-ishness, self-denial, self-indulgence, self-discipline, self-satisfaction, self-deception…in short, why are we so self-centered?

It’s hard not to be. After all, it’s impossible to escape your own point of view.

Salvation history is full of people like us who have had to grapple with the temptation to “play God” and to make himself or herself the Grand Poobah of their existence. The story of Adam and Eve exemplify this in vivid colors, but our familiarity with it can numb us to the dazzling self-revelations it communicates.

What is the difference between a lawyer and God? God doesn’t think he’s a lawyer. You might laugh, but every one of us is like this lawyer, arguing ourselves into believing we are the arbiters of our reality. St. Augustine was once asked to name the four cardinal virtues, and he replied: “Humility, humility, humility, and humility.”

Humility is not as concerned with thinking less of ourself as it is thinking less about ourself. The seraphim Lucifer’s ego got so big he couldn’t see God anymore. The archangel Michael, on the other hand, lost himself in God; in fact, his name means “Who is like God?” It is only by losing ourselves in God with total trust and confidence that we truly find ourselves.

Every heretic, every schismatic, every criminal, every sinner makes the same simple mistake: they do it their own way. They trust their reason, their passion, their ability rather than His Reason, His Passion, His Power. Every sin is misplaced trust.

There are only two beings you can never escape: God, and yourself. These are the two main characters in the drama of every human life, and the difference between heaven and hell is whether God is at the center of your universe, or you are. Do I revolve around my own world, or do I revolve around the Sun of God?

St. Catherine of Siena tells us that the Bible can be summed up as this loving message from our divine Father: “I am God. You are not.”

The central and critical task of our lives is to realize this truth within ourselves. The whole of the Christian life is oriented to this goal: by obeying God’s laws and practicing virtue we keep God’s presence at the center of our souls in the state of grace; by reading and hearing God’s Word we welcome his truth into the center of our minds; by consuming the Eucharist, we enthrone the heart of Jesus in the center of our hearts, and they beat in time with his.

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind” (Matt 22:37).

Veritas et Caritas